


Lose a Diamond While Gathering Pebbles (Formerly, "Supposed To")

by TheBee



Series: The Riches of Gallifrey [5]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Discussions of death, F/M, Ficlet, Fluff and Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 09:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3352445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBee/pseuds/TheBee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Doctor, you know I’m SUPPOSED TO outlive Mum, right?” she asked him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lose a Diamond While Gathering Pebbles (Formerly, "Supposed To")

“Oh, Rose,” the Doctor sighed. “You’d outlive your entire family.”

“What, my mum?”

“And Pete and Tony.”

Rose just stared at him, mouth dropped open, brows furrowed. He was so sorry to be the one who had to break the bad news to her. How she must hate him! He turned to fiddle with the TARDIS controls.

“Uhm, Doctor…?”

The Doctor turned his head but couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “Hmmmm?”

“Doctor, you know I’m **supposed to** outlive Mum, right?” she asked him. “And Pete?”

Supposed to? What? No one was “supposed to” outlive their families.

But Rose wasn’t finished. “Tony’s supposed to outlive them, too,” she added, stepping up behind him and placing a hand on his arm, right above the elbow. “It’s what humans do. We outlive our parents.” He heard her lick her lips and inhale before she continued. “It’s the other way around that’s a tragedy,” she said. “Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their kids.”

He shrugged. She slid her right hand down his left arm to his wrist as he rolled his hand over. Their fingers entwined.

“And I know Mum’s not that young,” Rose said, slowly spelling out the alien way of looking at things she had, sometimes. Alien, but so clear one she explained it. “Having Tony was hard on her. Her doctors were pretty worried for a bit—they thought she might miscarry—and he was a preemie.” He looked up at her, puzzled. “He was a premature birth, yeah?” He nodded, understanding. “He was in hospital for about 6 months and one of the nurses warned me that we might lose him and that I had to take real good care of Mum if that happened.” She squeezed his hand tighter. “You see, Doctor, Mum’s **supposed to** pass before me, just like Nan’s **supposed to** pass before Mum. And everyone knows men don’t live as long as women—and there’s Torchwood—so I know in my head that Pete’s probably gonna pass even before Mum.” He heard her draw a shaky breath in through her nose and she leaned her head on his shoulder. “It’ll hurt, yeah,” she said, her voice tightening and wobbling, “’cause I love my mum and I’ll miss her. But I can’t imagine how much more it would hurt Mum if things went the other way around.” Rose’s other hand reached across her front to grip his upper arm, and she tilted her face up to his. “I promised you my forever. And I know that’s not much time to give a Time Lord”—

—“Rose” —

—“but it’s everything I’ve got.” Her voice got stronger. “And if there’s anything I can do to extend this time with you, future medicine or kumbaya stuff, I’ll do it. I’ll give you a hundred years, two hundred years, whatever I can.”

“You’ll outlive Tony.”

“Yeah,” she said, resting his head on her shoulder again. “But I won’t outlive Jack.” He felt her shake his head against his suit-clad shoulder. “Why did I do that to him?” He could hear tears well up in her voice again. Oh, his Rose. Thinking about her Mum dying, her not-Dad Pete dying, her brother dying and then, of all the things to do, feeling guilty about Jack’s inability to die. He pressed a kiss onto the top of her head, the scent of her hair filling his nostrils. They stood there in silence, swaying slightly, for minutes. He could only embrace stillness like this with her.

“But it all works out, you see,” she eventually said. “Mum and Pete have Tony now. And Tony will get married and have his family. And you’ll have me.” Her eyes shifted down. “For as long as I can stay. And when I’m gone,” his Rose continued, so unaware of the swell of grief that billowed up inside his chest at her words, “Tony’s kids won’t really know me, so it won’t hurt them much. And you’ll still have Jack.” She jerked her head away from his shoulder, and looked up at him, horrified. “Do you think that’s why I did that to Jack? So you’d never be alone?” She jerked her hands away from him, _no bring them back_!, and wrapped her arms around her torso. “Why didn’t I do that to myself, instead of doing it to Jack?”

“Because”— he felt his voice go rough —“because I can’t stand to touch Jack as he is now.” He saw his hand rise to Rose’s face, almost of its own volition, and cup her cheek. “And I need to touch you.” He swallowed. “I would have had to leave you behind, like I left Jack. And that would have killed me.”

His Rose’s eyes welled with tears. He slowly drew her into an embrace, her very presence soothing the raw edges of the space where his people used to live in his mind, and she unwrapped her arms from around herself and clung to him with equal fervor. With his cheek resting so near the telepathic centers of her brain, he could hear a faint murmur of her thoughts flashing by. He felt her inhale deeply, then straighten slightly. Was he supposed to stop hugging her now? Her mind went still and he heard a clear, strong thought:

_I. Love. You._

It came with a tumble of feelings and images, of this face and his old daft one, of hands entwined and laughter and wonder and, oh yes, lust and attraction. All edged with the faint gold tracery of Rose’s mind since Bad Wolf. He pulled away, gripping her by her shoulders, and stared at her. She stared back up at him, chest heaving and eyes full of bravado.

“I don’t deserve you,” the words skittered out in a whisper. “And you deserve better.”

Oh, that made her angry. “There is no one better than you,” she snapped. “You’re just being too stupid to realize it.” She pulled him back into an embrace. “You’re never gonna get rid of me.”

“Oh, I hope not, Rose Tyler,” he murmured into her hair. “I hope not.” And in his mind, to hers, he sent: _I think I… I think I do, too._

She snuggled deeper into his arms. He closed his eyes and carefully stored this memory near the center of his cortex. Right near his memories of Gallifrey. Least likely to get jarred or damaged during any trauma which might trigger regeneration.

That might be enough for getting on with, when she was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This little scenario didn't fit into the plot of "Pearl of Great Price"--that Rose didn't have a Pete--so it's a free-standing ficlet here.


End file.
